FAMILY VALUES
If you asked most
Americans what the cultural values in the U.S. are, you might get some blank
stares, or a statement of some basic beliefs. The question may seem simple, but
the answer is quite complex. In a society as highly diverse as the United
States, there is likely to be a multitude of answers.
American culture
has been enriched by the values and belief systems of virtually every part of
the world. Consequently, it is impossible to be comprehensive. Nevertheless, a
few selected values are at the core of the American value system. And in this
course, we will study through American Family Values.
Family values are
thing that are many times passed down from generation to generation, and they
play a monumental role in how your child learns and grows. Defining this time
will help you to understand what is important and what it means when you are
talking about issues such as family time, play time, and other larger issues
such as spiritually and the beliefs that you wish your child to grow up with.
In order to understand the American family value we need to explore
values concerning children, young adults, the elderly, the nuclear
family, the extended family and everything to be related with family
values.
Definition of Family – Values
The dictionary defines a value as "a principle, standard or quality considered
worthwhile or desirable." The definition of family is "two or more people who share goals and values,
have long-term commitments to one another and usually reside in the same
dwelling." The difference in family structures can result in a difference
in family values. For example, a cohabitant couple with no children may have a
different value structure than a husband and wife with three children. Values
change as the structure of a family changes, and ideals also change with the
times and with geography; a family that moves to another state often sees some
shift in their ideals.
In family values are rules or ideals that, as a family, we agree
to live by and stay true to. The list of essential family values would be a
mile long no doubt and the top 10 lists for each family would be as unique as
the one that came up with it.
Having strong well defined family values helps solidify the
foundation for a strong, tight knit family. When cultivated long enough this
closeness provides a soft place to fall when life doesn’t go according to plan.
Strong and consistent family values are important in building trust and
confidence in each family member.
Here are Sherri
Kruger’s top 10 essential lists family value :
1. Belonging. It is important that each
member of the family feel that they are loved, that they belong and that they
matter. Being a cohesive family could mean that we spend every spare minute
together doing family activities but keep in mind that everyone is different.
Creating a strong family unit is great but each person should be allowed the
space and freedom to explore the activities they think they may enjoy. People
are more courageous and more willing to take chances if they know they have a
safe place to come back to when things don’t quite work out. Coming together
for special occasions and holidays and just spending time together as a family
is what helps build that sense of belonging.
2. Flexibility. In order, schedules and
structures in the family help maintain some level of sanity. But too much
structure and the unwillingness to give a little can result in a lot of
unhappiness and resentment. The more flexibility we have in decision making,
for example, the happier our family will be for it. Imagine one member of the
family always thinking they are right and enforcing their way of doing things.
This certainly wouldn’t lead to much happiness within the family unit.
3. Respect. This is a bit more
difficult to define. For my family, to respect each other is to take feelings,
thoughts, needs, and preferences in to account when making decisions. It also
means acknowledging and valuing everyone’s thoughts, feelings and contributions
to the family as a whole. Respect is indeed earned and there is a very fine
line between it and fear. The only way to earn and keep someone’s respect is to
first show them respect yourself. Respect as an important family value will
extend out of the home and into school, work or other social settings.
4. Honesty. This is the
foundation of any relationships that are meant to last. Mother-daughter,
husband-wife, sister-brother. Without honesty a deeper connection will not form
and certainly won’t last. Encourage honesty by practicing understanding and
respect when someone tells you of their wrong doings. If we lose it and get
angry when we’re told what has happened the other person will be more likely to
hide it from you next time simply to avoid the disrespect.
5. Forgiveness. Forgiving people who have
wronged you is an important choice to make. Yes, forgiveness is a choice. It is
not some feeling that randomly washes over you when you feel the other person
has “suffered” enough. This can be tough since a lot of us tend to equate
forgiveness with saying what you did was okay. They are not the same thing.
Holding a grudge, is not conducive to a close family with mutual respect.
Keep in mind that everyone makes mistake, we all occasionally
say things we wish we hadn’t and no of us are perfect. Refer to value 3
communication. Get issues out in the open, gain some understanding and move on.
Life is too short.
6. Generosity. Giving without thinking
“what’s in it for me” is an important value for anyone wanting to be a
responsible, contributing member to society. Through generosity we build
empathy since we tend to think more about what people want or need. Being
generous doesn’t mean simply handing over money to someone in need. It can also
include giving your time, love, attention or even some of your possessions.
7. Curiosity. Children have a natural
curiosity. If you’ve ever watched a toddler even for a couple of minutes you’d
see that quality shine through. For some that curiosity wanes. I think it’s
important to encourage and push our kids and even ourselves to be curious about
things. Rarely should we ever just take someone’s word for it. How
do we spark our curiosity? Ask questions. Lots of them. Read about a topic you
know very little about and don’t be afraid to say you don’t know. Critical thinking
is an important skill that can be learned and developed through exploring your
own curiosity.
8. Communication. Communication is as much an art as it is a science.
A failure to communicate will like lead to unhappiness and misunderstandings.
Small issues grow into larger ones and when they eventually boil to the surface
it’s unlikely they will be resolved calmly. Communication is a lot more than
simply speaking your mind. In addition to spoken words, communication also
extends to tone, volume, expression, eye contact, body language and effective
listening. I would argue that this is the most important value for families
to have. When people feel they can talk openly about anything – hopes, dreams,
fears, successes or failures – all without judgment, it’s encouraging and
strengthens the bond.
9. Responsibility. We’d all like
to be considered responsible people. Some of us are and some of us are
decidedly less so. Responsibility is something that is learned. As a child you
may have been shown how to put your toys away after playing, how to tidy your
room or how and when to feed the dog. This sense of responsibility extends well
into adulthood. An adult who has an intrinsic sense of responsibility doesn’t
require a lot of prodding to show up to work on time, return phone calls or
meet deadlines. Setting out individual responsibilities for family members
works to instill this quality in everyone.
10. Traditions. This is by far
the most fun for me. I think traditions are what make a family unique, they draw people together and create a sense of belonging for
everyone. Traditions don’t need to be expensive, elaborate or a lot of work. It can be
something as simple as a lazy Saturday morning sipping coffee and chatting or
an annual fondue dinner to ring in the new year. If you don’t currently have
traditions in your family, create them! All traditions started with one person
why not let your family traditions start with you? Get creative and have fun.
So those are my top 10 family values. Of course there are others
I’ll be incorporating but these are the most important to me.
Child Raising
Child Raising or raising children is a greater
responsibility than many people realize. In addition to meeting their physical
and emotional needs, parents have a responsibility to impart a value system to
their children. Value is
defined as the quality or worth of a thing. A family is defined as a social unit consisting of parents and the
children they raise. To combine the
words together yields a definition of: a traditional set of social standards
defined by the family and a history of customs that provide the emotional and
physical basis for raising a family.
Acculturation, which begins at birth, is the process
of teaching new generations of the children accustoms and values of the
parents' culture. How people treats newborn, for example, can be indicative of
cultural values. In the United States it is not uncommon for parents to put a
newborn in a separate room that belongs only to the child. This helps top reserve
parents' privacy and allows the child to get used to having his other own room,
which is seen as a first step toward personal independence. Americans
traditionally have held independence and a closely-related value,
individualism, in high esteem. Parents try to
instill these prevailing values in their children. American
English expresses these value preferences:
children should "cut the (umbilical) cord" and are encouraged not to
be "tied to their mothers' apron strings." In the process of their
socialization children learn to "look out for number one” and to
"stand on their own two feet."
Many children are taught at a very early age to make
decisions and be responsible for their actions. Often children work for money
outside the home as a first step to establishing autonomy. Nine- or
ten-year-old children may deliver newspapers in their neighborhoods and save or
spend their earnings. Teenagers (13 to 18 years) may babysit at neighbor’s
homes in order to earn a few dollars a week. Receiving a weekly allowance at an
early age teaches children to budget their money, preparing them for future
financial independence. Many parents believe that managing money helps
children learn responsibility as well as appreciate the value of money.
Young
Adulthood
Upon reaching an appropriate age (usually between 18
and 21 years), children are encouraged, but not forced, to "leave the
nest" and begin an independent life. After children leave home they often
find social relationships and financial support outside the family. Parents do
not arrange marriages for their children, nor do children usually ask
permission of their parents to get married. Romantic love is most often
the basis for marriage in the United States; young adults meet their future
spouses through other friends, at school, at jobs, and in organizations and
religious institutions. Although children choose their own spouses, they 10
still hope their parents will approve of their choices.
In many families, parents feel that children should
make major life decisions by themselves. A parent may try to influence a child
to follow a particular profession but the child is free to choose another
career. Sometimes children do precisely the opposite of what their parents wish
in order to assert their independence. A son may deliberately decide not
to go into his father's business because of a fear that he will lose his
autonomy in his father's workplace. This independence from parents is not an
indication that parents and children do not love each other. Strong love
between parents and children is universal and this is no exception in 10
the American family. Coexisting with such love in the American family are
cultural values of self-reliance and independence.
THE ELDERLY
Societal and familial treatment of the
elderly also reflects this independence and individualism. Their financial
support is often provided by social security or welfare systems which decrease
dependence on their family. Additionally, older people may seek their own
friends rather than become too emotionally dependent on their children. Senior
citizens centers provide a means for peer-group association within one's own
age group. There are problems, however, with growing old in the United States.
Glorification of youth and indifference to the aged have left many
older people alienated and alone.
Some families send their older relatives to nursing
homes rather than integrate them into the homes of the children or
grandchildren. This separation of the elderly from the young has contributed to
the isolation of an increasingly large segment of society. On the other
hand, there are many older people who choose to live in
retirement communities where they have the companionship of other older
people and the convenience of many recreational and social activities
close to home.
The Nuclear and The Extended Family
The treatment of the elderly can be further
understood by distinguishing between nuclear and extended family
structures. In the United States the nuclear family, which consists of the
father, the mother, and the children, is considered "the family." The
extended family, common in other cultures, includes grandparents, aunts,
uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces, and in-laws. The distinction between the
nuclear and extended family is important because it suggests the extent of
family ties and obligations.
In extended families the children and parents have
strong tie-sand obligations to relatives. It is common in these families to
support older family members, to have intensive contact with relatives, and to
establish communal housing.
The American nuclear family usually has its
own separate residence and is economically independent of other family
members. Relatives are still considered "family" but are often
outside the basic obligations that people have to their immediate families.
When couples marry, they are expected to live independently of their parents
and become "heads of households" when they have children. It is
not unusual in times of financial need for nuclear family members to
borrow money from an ankle rather than from relatives. Grandparents,
aunts, uncles, and cousins, then, are not directly involved in the same way as
they would be in an extended family structure.
In both nuclear and extended families, the
culture imposes set roles upon parents. Traditionally the male has been
responsible for financial support of the home and family
members. The female has often been responsible for
emotional support, child raising, and housekeeping. However, among some people
in parts of the United States, these parental functions are no longer fixed.
The prescribed role of the man as
"bread-winner" and the woman as housewife is changing. These changes
include working mothers, "househusbands," and an increasing number of
day-care centers for children. Yet, traditional roles may be
preserved even in 10 households where the wife is working. Some mothers
work because of a financial need and not because of a desire to change their
role from housewife to breadwinner. Others choose to work because they feel
that financial support of the family should be shared by the husband and the wife.
Still others are motivated to work because of professional
interests and a desire to contribute to society. More than 50 percent of
American women are part of the labor force.
Stability
and Change in the Family
It is almost impossible to describe a "typical
American family" because the United States is such a heterogeneous country. Although members of ethnic, racial, or
economic groups may assimilate into the educational and employment system
of the establishment, they often maintain their cultural heritage within
the home. Many families have strong religious or ethnic backgrounds which
continue to contribute to the preservation of the close-knit extended family.
At one time, traditional role sand religion had a much stronger influence on
the nuclear family. Now, economic conditions, societal attitudes, and job mobility
in the United States compete with traditional influences.
Changes in the American family structure are
evidenced by increased rates of separation and divorce. In certain areas of the
country these trends have resulted in a growing number of "single-parent"
families, remarried parents, and communal lifestyles. This does not indicate,
however, that the institution of marriage is crumbling. It is estimated that
four out of five divorced couples eventually remarry other people. These
shifts in family relationships may be interpreted as a breakdown or,
alternatively, as an adaptation of the American family to changing roles,
attitudes, and values. The changes, according to the more traditional
viewpoint, represent a breakdown in the family structure, a disintegration of
values, and a decline of morality.
Ever hear the saying,
"What we have here is a failure to communicate?" A lack of
communication can rip a family apart and destroy them. Things that facilitate
communication are the things mentioned so far -- family closeness, flexibility,
time spent together, spirituality. All members must feel a freedom within the
group to express themselves freely.
Another very important factor
is the relationship between the "head" couple. In a family that is
parented by a happily married couple, people are able to express themselves
more freely. What they might say isn't filtered through the problems of the
"guardians." A happy marriage seems to set the tone in the house. It
spills over from the family to the community and a healthy family will be
reaching out to help others. They do not tend to isolate themselves from the
rest of the world.
A very important thing for
families to teach their children is how to make good decisions. If they have
watched their parents making well thought out decisions over the years, they
will tend to be good decision makers themselves.
By. Queen-Na
